My grandmother used to tell the story of a Mom in her neighborhood in upstate New York who had a LOT of kids (which must have really meant A LOT OF KIDS coming from my grandmother, who was the youngest of seven). Anyway, this Mom of Lots of Kids was famous on the block for not feeding her brood dinner until she’d served herself first. They’d literally all have to wait around watching her eat before they could sit down.
As a kid, I thought this mother totally monstrous.
But now I get it. It’s genius. It’s the exact same idea as you hear on airplane safety videos about “afix YOUR OWN OXYGEN MASK FIRST before helping others.”
Even the Federal Aviation Administration knows Mama ain’t no use to nobody if she can’t breathe herself.
But I gotta say, it took me some time to figure out how to make all that actually HAPPEN … like, six years into motherhood, we’re talking. I mean, I only just figured out, TWO DAYS AGO, how to even eat breakfast in the morning, and this is despite me being the most logistics-minded Mama on earth.
Luckily for me — and the rest of you stressed out parents out there — there are people trained to coach new parents back into control of their lives and pursuits of happiness. People like my friend Cortney Chaite, who does that everyday as the mission of her business, Cortney Chaite Coaching.
Read on for little insight into how Cortney helps Moms get happy — complete with a checklist! Continue reading “Guest Post: If Mama Ain’t Happy …” »
Last week a dear friend of mine was in a truly catastrophic traffic accident. A dump truck, poorly parked on a hill above Hollywood Boulevard, came loose from whatever shitty brake mechanism was or wasn’t engaged, and hit a city bus at such high speed it knocked that bus across lanes and into, over, and through my friend’s car. This event was basically the traffic equivalent of Spacelab falling on you.
Spacelab fell on my friend.
The photos on the news were the scariest fucking thing I have ever seen. They were the scariest fucking thing every one of my friends, and her thousands and thousands of other friends, have seen. If you had seen those photos, you too would be stunned my friend survived.
My friend is Wonder Woman. My friend, despite having ended up under a bus, is still with us, if in a hospital, in a bed, and in a lot of pieces. She is being put back together, slowly, and at the end of this, she is going to be Bionic Woman, too. It takes a lot of effort to put back together what a bus has torn apart, and a hell of a lot of strength, and spirit, and if anyone can do it, my friend can.
And in the meantime, led by the amazing example of her amazing husband, who daily updates her thousands of friends via incredible, warm, funny, honest, sincere, and loving emails, we focus on the miracles that have come out of this fucking mess.
Wonder Woman is still with us – that’s a miracle.
You wanna know the other miracle? Wonder Woman wasn’t the only one in the car. Continue reading “Wonder Woman Wants to Know: Do Your Kids Know Your Phone Number Yet?” »
Please join me in welcoming ChecklistMommy’s FIRST EVER guest-blogger, Alexandra Damsker! I found Alexandra on a local Mommy-board, where she was offering wardrobe advice to a self-confessed clueless SAHM. I hope you think she’s as funny — and KNOWLEDGEABLE — about this subject as I did!
Audrey Hepburn said a girl can get anywhere in life with a black dress and a good scarf. In her whole life, she never had more than 20 pieces of clothing at a time. But damn, were they GREAT pieces.
I have an amazing girlfriend whom I have known for many years whom I adore and whom I admire beyond measure, mostly because she is brilliant and funny and warm and great at EVERYTHING she does. Diddy and her daughter were born within 6 weeks of each other, and we spent most of our pregnancies sitting in her living room on our butts because my friend Executive Supermom was on bedrest for 20 weeks. Yep, really. TWENTY WEEKS.
So for many months, I’d head over there, bring lunch, plant my ass on her couch and we’d compare pregnancy notes and nursery ideas and chat about our marriages and it was AWESOME. Probably the most fun twenty weeks of my life.
Oh, and: while we sat there, staring at our thickening ankles, Continue reading “Executive Supermom’s Management School for Wives and Mommies” »