Here’s a little story about Mommy learning curves:
When Diddy was born, I couldn’t get enough of her. I literally could not ever put her down. Not because she needed to be held 24/7, but because I needed to hold her. She was just so damn cute. And I’d made her. I’d grown her, I’d delivered her — and without an epidural, to boot! I used to tuck her under my bathrobe and let her fall asleep on my chest. Mr. Big(Ideas) used to do it, too. We just couldn’t get enough of our Diddy.
She started out sleeping in a Snuggle Nest in our bed. But she was a pretty loud sleeper, so around four months, we moved her into her crib in what we called her “n-office” (half her nursery / half our office). Thanks to my obsession with The Happiest Baby on the Block, she was properly swaddled and shushed and swung to sleep each night. This took about forty-five minutes of rocking her down. I’d start, then Mr. Big(Ideas) would come home from work around 7 and he’d take over while I went upstairs to make dinner.
After about a month of this, it became clear we needed a better system for getting her down. This was just too labor intensive — so I read around, decided The Baby Whisperer’s method for patting, and pick up / put down was also just going to take too long (I told you I don’t endorse EVERYTHING in that book), and moved on to The Sleepeasy Solution.
The Sleepeasy Solution is basically a Cry-It-Out (CIO) / Sleep Training approach, along the lines of Ferber. But, unlike Ferber, there is a lot of flexibility in the Sleepeasy plan. Waldburger and Spivack are family therapists in LA, and their business, Sleepy Planet, is mindful of the fact get that all families have different sleep-values system. For instance, they will work with you even if you share a family bed.
In general, though, they endorse setting up a consistent bedtime ritual, which includes putting your baby down in his crib, alone, and letting him figure out how to put himself to sleep.
Which is a nice way of saying, it’s his party, let him cry if he wants to.
I have friends for whom this wasn’t palatable. Here’s what I told them:
If you don’t like the idea of letting your baby cry it out, you’re not tired enough to try it yet.
I was tired enough. Diddy cried for forty-five minutes the first night, fifteen the second, and we never looked back.
I figured this would work great for Gaga, too. And it did. Eight times. Unlike her sister, Gaga had growth spurts. She woke up with poop rashes and screamed her eyes out. She was a very very sensitive teether. Her sinuses sucked from birth. Oh, and she just couldn’t adjust to time zone changes when we traveled around visiting family. Every time we hit some little growth / rash / teething / stuffed nose / travel-induced stumbling block in Gaga’s sleep patterns, we had to start the Sleepeasy Solution all over again.
Still, it was a system that I continued to swear by because it delivered consistent results after three days, every time. Even though we did it all eight times while Gaga was sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed, screaming her head off while we played dead.
(This, by the way, is totally silly. Sleep train your second kid in your first kid’s room. Your first kid will learn to sleep though it. I know this now because both of my girls can sleep through their sister’s middle-of-the-night mishegas like champs. If I’d figured that out when Gaga was a tiny baby, I could have saved myself the residual ringing in my ears.)
In addition to offering a wonderful, simple, and clearly written guide to sleep training, this is the only book I’ve seen that actually offers you real step-by-step instructions for how to night-wean properly, or how to determine how much daytime sleep your kid needs. And it’s chock-full of checklists. Plus it provides sample nap schedules, which even after four kids, I still refer to constantly.
And about those four kids:
Enter Pancake and Sausage. Here’s where I finally got smart: I didn’t hold them. At all, really. I didn’t have time, what with chasing after their sisters. So, unless they were stuck to my boobs — yep, I nursed these boys — I wrapped them back up in their swaddles and put them down. And lo and behold: I never had to sleep train them. They learned to put themselves down, without tears, from birth — and short of some particularly painful teething episodes, have continued to be excellent sleepers. They just turned one, and they’re still sleeping strong.
But I don’t believe most first-time parents are capable of being so cavalier about their tiny newborn pieces of perfection. Most first-time parents can think of nothing so delicious as staring at their little bundle of baby while she sleeps curled up in their arms. I get it. I was that Mom. I hear you.
And I’m telling you:
If you can’t put that baby down, you’re gonna need to pick up this book.
What were YOUR infant-sleep experiences? Please share!
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I am not tired enough. LOL. But if/when I get there I now know what to do.
MrsD! If you’ve made it a year, you are super-woman! But seriously, if / when, Sleepeasy Solution will walk you right through it!
Not a year yet…. almost ten months.
Congrats for choosing a plan and skicting to it. Whatever you do is what will be right for you guys. He seems to have (and you as well) taken to the routine which is what young kids thrive on. Watching the twins grow, the routine was what saved a lot of trouble. When my sister started thinking about sleep training, her pediatrician told her, no child ever died or was hurt by crying themselves to sleep. While it was definitely heart wrenching in the beginning hearing them cry, they learned to self soothe. Bizz does fine without help, Romes on the other hand has another habit we’re working on breaking now the blanket suck. It’s how he learned to soothe himself and if you’re ever around when he’s sleepy, it’s funny to see his drowsy eyes when he’s drifting off!
Eight weeks you are DOING this! Its so so hard. My son was colicky, and when I look back, those days were kind of ntrihmagish. A harsh word to use, but true for me. (He’s now almost nine months, and the happiest easiest babe.) Reading this takes me right back our lives became consumed with battening the hatches for the 1-6 am scream fest. Also, about being gobsmacked with the reality of a baby? I totally hear you on that. I am good and confident at my job. Mothering what. the. hell? BABIES ARE CRAZY PEOPLE. And I did really focus on career, but I wouldn’t have done it another way. (ok, maybe I could have done without five IVF cycles). I saw in a previous post that you are sleep training. We did this at 7.5 months, and my lord, I wish we’d done it sooner. The freedom from babes we have in the evenings and overnight oh my gosh, makes me GIDDY. Hope you get more and more sleep. In your bed. Whenever that happens. And yeah she will change it up on you, duh she’s a growing being, but I think it only gets better and better. Awesome survival pack you have a lucky friend.-jo
We co-slept since he was a week old. For some reason my mthoer-in-law (who stayed with us at first and was for the most part amazingly helpful) didn’t think it was safe with a brand new baby and wouldn’t show me how to nurse lying down until he was a week old. I had a c-section and was really struggling at first. I even fell asleep involuntarily one time while nursing him on the couch that first week because my MIL told me I had to do it that way. Luckily she was watching and came over and woke me up, and I didn’t drop the baby or anything. She helped me figure out the side-laying nursing the next day. Next baby I’ll know better. Obviously if I’m that tired, being in a bed laying down is about a million times safer than being in a chair or on a couch! My own mom, when I was pregnant, told me it’s soooo tempting to take that snuggly little baby and let them sleep with you in your bed. but you can’t, or they’ll never learn how to fall asleep on their own . I know now that is a false statement and am following my instincts instead of her counterintuitive advice!Maman A Droit s last [type] ..[]
We did the CIO method, and like you the first day was hard, and after that it got pretty easy even though our son cried 10 – 15 minutes EVERY night when we put him down. Now a weird question, as far as not holding your boys…did you have trouble with head shape because of it? We ended up having to put our first son in a “helmet” because he got brachycephaly (flat on the back of his head). I am very concerned about it with our younger son (due in November), so I had considered baby wearing to prevent it, but then he will never be put down and I imagine sleep training will be difficult if I never put him down.
Interested in your comment about older children sleeping through younger siblings´ sleep training. I have a 3-and-a-half-year-old and a 5-month-old. They’ve been sharing a room for over 6 weeks now, and still wake each other up most nights at some point (if not several times). Did you do something to teach your children to sleep through the screaming, or have I just got light-sleeping daughters?
Hi there — well, I did the heavy-lifting of our sleep-training with the kids separate, and didn’t move Gaga into Diddy’s room until she was good at putting herself back to sleep when she woke up (around 8 mos). We never had problems. My boys sleep together, too, and Sausage goes through LOUD periods which don’t seem to disturb his brother, either. Your kids may be light-sleeping, or mine may be … not. Hmm. Here’s hoping it gets better soon!
I am so exhausted. We are starting this method on friday (when my husband actually has some time off as I know I can’t do it on my own!). I am very nervous as I HATE to hear my baby cry. But he is 5.5 mo old and refuses to nap on his own and falling asleep is becoming more and more difficult. He is a grumpy baby as a result… and I am a grumpy mama… I am hoping for the best on friday… 3 more days…
Jenn: I always say you only sleep-train when you’re READY to do it! Close the door, walk away, open a bottle of wine, and watch your favorite show or movie on LOUD. Better yet, cuddle up to your husband and distract yourself … Good luck!