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OK Fine. Yes.
I Am a Musical Theater Geek.
What’s It To Ya?

My children are revolting maggot newts. I love them!

My children are revolting maggot newts.

While were in London, I had the great joy of seeing Matilda with my mother and my girls.

My mother always gets the hottest tickets in town.

For instance, she also took me to see Peter & Alice, starring Judi Dench. Unfortunately, Peter & Alice sucked, which is odd, as:

a) I believe that Judi Dench is a god among us and

b) it was about the fortuitous meeting of Alice Liddell Hargreaves, the model for Alice in Wonderland, and Peter Llewellyn Davies, as in Peter Pan, and I have a ridiculous soft-spot for anything about Peter Pan.

There are two reasons for my Peter Pan obsession.

This is one:

Me, age 5. Role of a lifetime. Really never got better except for when I was Petra in A Little Night Music in college. That was SLIGHTLY better.

Me, age 5. Role of a lifetime. Really never got better except for when I was Petra in A Little Night Music in college. That was SLIGHTLY better.

This is the other:

Peter Pan was the first musical I ever saw, on Broadway no less. With Sandy Duncan and her glass eye. (Yes, I am old enough that Cathy Rigby was still in the gymnastics game back then.) I was taken to see it with my grandmothers.

Both grandmothers. Who normally didn’t hang out much. So that was a BIG. EFFING. DEAL.

And I have NEVER forgotten it.

So forgive me for getting a little misty-eyed about the fact that WHEN I WAS IN LONDON LAST WEEK MY GIRLS SAW THEIR FIRST MUSICAL!

IN THE WEST END!

IN THE COMPANY OF THEIR GRANDMOTHER!

AND I GOT TO BE THERE TOO!

Oh and:

It was really, really, REALLY good.

I cried the whole time.

Joyous, happy, nostalgic, heart-wrenching tears.

Especially at this part. If you don’t cry at this part then you have no soul. (Fast forward to 0:50):

ANYWAY:

I have been so obsessed with Matilda since I got back that I tracked down that You Tube video, and I read a New Yorker piece about the composer / lyricist, Tim Minchin, and I bought an ACTUAL CD of the London cast recording.

Yep. A CD, PEOPLE.

Because I JUST HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO  listen to it in the car, and I have no effing ipods anymore, apparently — though I do have, oddly, about eight ipod speaker sets — and my phone no longer effing works for anything so mp3 transmission would be a stretch.

SO YES. I BOUGHT THE CD.

And I drove around laughing and crying to it ALL DAY YESTERDAY.

And it was awesome.

I haven’t loved a musical so much since a billion years ago when I was young and single and living in the West Village and John Cameron Mitchell was doing Hedwig and I went and saw it over and over and over again.

Six times.

You may not understand this compulsion if you’ve only ever seen the MOVIE of Hedwig, which just isn’t good.

It’s just not.

The musical, however, is THE BEST THING EVER.

Go buy the actual cast recording and see if I’m wrong.

IT IS THE BEST.

Except now there is also Matilda.

And I intend to listen to it ALL THE TIME until my kids can sing every word and we can all sing to the CD together in the car like we used to sing every word of Les Mis and Miss Saigon and Evita and Chess and A Little Night Music and Into The Woods with my mom when I was growing up.

Like crazy people.

Crazy happy musical theater geek people.

This summer Diddy is doing two weeks of musical theater camp – Guys and Dolls! –and I could die of joy.

 

 

 

 

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How To Make Room For Baby …
In Her Big Sib’s Room

Baby Gaga phone home ...

Baby Gaga phone home …

A new reader pinged me on Facebook last week to remind me that back when I wrote about organizing a nursery, I promised to blog about kids sharing a room with baby, and then never did it.

Totally busted. So here goes.

First off, stop worrying about how Big Kid is going to adjust to having to share her PERFECT ROOM with the new baby.

Seriously. Put that out of your head right now.

Your kids will LOVE sharing a room, at least while they’re still small.

CHK roomates

The biggest complaint my girls had when we finally moved back into the house we’d been renovating for A BILLION YEARS to accomodate our growing family – don’t get me started on how having TWINS forced us to re-frame the ENTIRE downstairs THREE YEARS IN to this project – was that now they had their own rooms …. and they didn’t want to.

You hear that? MY GIRLS, having spent 2+ years sharing a room, BITCHED AND WHINED and CRIED THEIR EYES OUT when I gave them their own discrete spaces.

How did this happen? How did I make my Big Kid WANT to live with her Baby?

The key was GETTING MY BIG KID involved with the plan BEFORE Baby got there.

chk diddy watches

1. ENLIST BIG SIB in the planning for her new, shared, space. Rearrange the room to accommodate a crib, make space in the closets. Then try to decorate in away that stakes out BIG SIB’S space as special from Baby’s.

    • Separate bookshelves.
    • A closet system that is easy to divide into separate spaces for each kid (I love ELFA).
    • Separate dressers, or dedicated dresser drawers.
    • Wall decals or wall art that differentiate different parts of the room for each kid.
    • Bed linens that are UNIQUE to each kid, from each other, but coordinate in some way with the larger room.
    • Common space on the floor for play.

2. Despite all this preparation, START BABY IN YOUR ROOM, or a third space, if you’ve got one.

    • A Pack ‘N Play will suffice as the perfect spot for baby – near your bed if you’re nursing.
    • Don’t bother with a “co-sleeper.” Co-sleepers are small. They are pricey. You can’t haul them around on vacation with the ease of a pack-n-play, and they won’t last your growing child as long, either.

3. SLEEP TRAIN BABY before you move her into the room with her big sibling.

    • Believe it or not, you can sleep train ala The Sleepeasy Solution with your baby in your room – we did. When Gaga woke, and cried, we played dead. It wasn’t easy – Gaga was WAY harder to sleep train than her sister – but it was doable.
    • Better yet: put your baby down AWAKE and without bouncing / singing / rocking FROM DAY ONE and avoid sleep training altogether!

4. ONCE BABY CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT and you are past the point of responding to every waking and whimper – move Baby into her crib in Big Sib’s room.

Finally:

Don’t worry that baby’s night noises will bother Big Sib – you’d be shocked at how quickly both kids will learn to sleep through each other’s noise.

 

 

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Last Call: “The Secrets of Happy Families” GIVEAWAY Ends Tomorrow!

Photo by Marcia Levy

Photo by Marcia Levy

I’m just back from London, where my daughters were flower girls in my cousin’s wedding, so this will be a short and fairly jetlagged post …

(Quick aside on that traveling-with-kids tip, though: You know all those miles you’ve been saving and banking, waiting for that perfect occasion to fly somewhere free? Use them to upgrade your seats when flying long-haul with your kids. We managed to swing BA Club Class upgrades both ways thanks to YEARS of saving our miles, and it was HOLY MOLY WORTH IT for my sanity. End of lecture.)

Anyway, the point of this post is to remind everybody that the GIVEAWAY of Bruce Feiler’s genius book, The Secrets of Happy Families, ends tomorrow.

So get your entries in!

Meanwhile:

Continue reading “Last Call: “The Secrets of Happy Families” GIVEAWAY Ends Tomorrow!” »

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In Which Bruce Feiler Reminds Me That Checklists Are Magic
(Or: How I Got My Kids To Make Their Own Beds)

CHK kids made beds

So here’s the first piece of absolute magic I took away from Bruce Feiler’s new book “The Secrets of Happy Families: Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More.”

CHECKLISTS ARE MAGIC.

Yeah, I know.

ChecklistMommy needed A BOOK to tell her that checklists were magic?

Like, isn’t that what this whole silly blog is all about?

Well, yeah.

It is.

It’s about checklists for diaper bags, checklists for medicine cabinets, checklists for traveling …

So how is it that it never occurred to me to write checklists for my kids?

Here’s how:

I’m married to a man who never ever ever reads my checklists.

He calls me and asks me how to do the things I’ve written checklists for instead.

So I figured my kids were an equally lost cause.

I mean, only one of them even reads …

But then I read “The Secrets of Happy Families” and was particularly struck by the chapter about “agile development,” an organizational technique popular in Silcon Valley, and how the Starr family put it to work in their own home.

Basically, David Starr and his wife Eileen started holding family meetings (more about that next week). Then they and their four kids tried using checklists at home. During the morning rush.

If that ain’t a true test of a system, throwing it at your four kids at the most stressful, rush-and-push-and-pull part of the day, then I don’t know what is.

And you know what happened? Continue reading “In Which Bruce Feiler Reminds Me That Checklists Are Magic <br /> (Or: How I Got My Kids To Make Their Own Beds)” »

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I Heart Bruce Feiler So Much I Am Giving Away 4 Copies of His New Book

Because I have a billion kids, and I write about family, and I work in the family space, and basically I eat-drink-breathe-sleep (ha! If only I slept!) kids/partnership/family life …

I also tend to read A LOT about kids/partnership/family life, too.

And I have favorites.

I’m a fan of Harvey Karp.

I love The Sleepy Planet ladies.

Wendy Mogel is my personal hero.

Well, folks – I’m adding Bruce Feiler to that list.

Some of you may know him from his columns in the NY Times.

Some of you may know him as the Dad who founded The Council of Dads.

Well, now he’s gone and written The Secrets of Happy Families, a book about how to manage family life that is SO EFFING GREAT it almost makes me want to pack up this blog because he’s basically gone and said it all.

I mean seriously. He has taken family management to an easy, fun, cooperative level that is so unbelievably awesome that –

Let’s put it this way:

For the last two weeks my girls, now aged 4 and 6, have been making their own beds every morning before school without help and without complaint.

They have also been getting themselves dressed – to shoes and coats, no less! – and putting their laundry in the hamper and actually standing ready at the front door without us having to scream, shout, or resort to ridiculous threats to get them to move their little … arses.

(I am going to London tomorrow. I get to say arse.)

How on earth did all of this happen?

A few weeks ago I did myself a massive favor and read Feiler’s book.

Here’s the quick pitch: Continue reading “I Heart Bruce Feiler So Much I Am Giving Away 4 Copies of His New Book” »

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How To Talk About a Death In The Family, And Help Kids Mourn

Many years ago, I was struck by something I read in the NYT about death and home organizing.

What on earth has death got to do with home organizing?

I give you Lisa Whited, a professional organizer in the NYT piece who entered the profession when her kids were young and she thought she was going to die:

… one of her first worries was about her husband and three small children: “How is Pete going to know where everything is?”

And so:

She … began labeling the clear plastic bins she stored everything in. Children’s medicine. Adult medicine. Bread. Waffles (In a plastic bin in the freezer). Candy. Cat treats. All the stuff in the cellar: Caulking. Paint thinner. Linseed Oil.

This rang very true for me.

It is very likely, should I ever have to tell my children I was going to die before they were very very very old, that I would probably make them each a personalized, tabulated, color-coded binder with labeled instructions for everything I could imagine they would possibly need to survive day-to-day without me.

I would probably fixate on these binders so deeply that I’d miss out on other, incredibly important, conversations we could have.

I’m not good at big, messy feelings.

So I went and made a neat little list on this topic, instead.

Next week, I ought to start examining my less-examined life.

This week, I give you:

Photo by Marcia Levy.

Continue reading “How To Talk About a Death In The Family, And Help Kids Mourn” »

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How & Why To Talk to Your Kids About A Loved One’s Serious Illness

One of my parents took this photo. I dare not guess whom, as it will inevitably begin a credit-fight.

This is the second part of a three-part series I’m running about Talking to To Kids about Death and Dying. 

You can read the first post, Driving Around With My 4 Year-Old, Talking About Death, by clicking here.

*

When my mother was my age, her friends started getting sick. Cancer and MS and lupus descended upon her social circle.  At the time, I assumed this was happening so much among her friends because they were old.

Now I’m old, and it’s happening to mine.

My mother was lucky – she made it through our childhoods healthy, our family remained unscathed. So far, my young family remains similarly lucky, though even typing that tempts fate and flips me out beyond belief.

It’s scary, imagining all the terrible things that might happen, to imagine an illness so terrible it would take me from my kids. (The thought of an unexpected tragedy like Boston, or some terrible accident, is equally horrible – but there is so little we can do to protect ourselves or our families from that. While we’re on the subject though, teach your kids their phone number!)

What we can do, though, we must.

That includes, should the worst happen, leveling with our children about serious, life-changing illness, about terminal diagnoses, and about death.

This isn’t just me talking.

Again: I have no early childhood / psychiatric cred.

But my friend Barbara Benoulid does. She’s an LMFT working in Los Angeles, a mother of three, and an incredibly smart, funny, and tapped in friend. You can find out more about her practice here.

So I went and talked to Barb and she put together a HUGE dossier of info for me. Much of what follows are her EXACT WORDS, simply edited down and re-organized a little bit by me for easy, bullet-point consumption.

THIS IS JUST A STARTING POINT for what may be the most difficult conversations any of us will ever have to have with our kids. Continue reading “How & Why To Talk to Your Kids About A Loved One’s Serious Illness” »

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